


crashing

by Saturning



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alright that’s enough tags I think, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, First Kiss, Getting Together, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, Hurt Harley Keener, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Reveal, M/M, Panic Attacks, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Peter Parker, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, tw: car crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23320015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saturning/pseuds/Saturning
Summary: And only then, years later, did Harley Keener understand what it was like to have a panic attack. And good lord he now realised he hasn’t been helpful to poor Tony at all back in Rose Hill.Lucky for him, Spider-Man was there to be actually helpful.
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 269





	crashing

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Panic attacks and car crashes! Also mild language. Please don’t read if you’re uncomfortable with that!!
> 
> Yeah, this is my third Parkner fic in two weeks and I’m actually kinda proud of it. I hope you enjoy it!

“Thanks for picking me up, Happy. I hadn’t realised how late it already is”, Harley said as he entered the car with Happy in the driver seat.

“Sure, kid. I’m not supposed to be a personal driver but it really doesn’t matter at this point. What have you been up to staying at school so late?”, the man asked just a tat exasperated. The engine purred gently when he turned the keys and pulled out of the parking lot.

“Robotics club and studying and a little bit of learning for the Decathlon. Kept myself busy there, it doesn’t feel so lonely like the tower does sometimes when I know that Tony and Pepper are in meetings all day and Peter isn’t in.”

Harley wasn’t used to being alone so much. In Tennessee his sister and mother were always home, or at least he could distract himself in the garage, when they weren’t. He could do the same here with all the labs Tony got, but no, he wasn’t yet allowed to be in them by himself. Which really wasn’t fair, Peter - Tony’s intern and Harley’s first friend and crush in New York - _was_ allowed. Just because he’d been there longer than Harley. Okay, maybe it was also because Tony knew his tendencies to start small fires and have no regard for his own personal safety so he guessed it was fair enough that Tony wanted him to be supervised for at least three months. Only two more weeks to go!

“Ah, I see. Yeah the tower’s really feeling too big more often than not.” Happy shot him an understanding smile in between of focusing on the road and Harley already felt less alone.

“Hey Happy you wanna-“, he started saying, but was cut off when the car stopped so abruptly, that only his seatbelt kept him from flying through the windshield.

“That asshole cut me off! We had a green light!”, Happy cursed, but Harley barely heard him over the drumming in his ears. His hands were trembling, his heart was in his throat and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he _breathe_ , dammit? It wasn’t Harley’s fault that his mind immediately replaced the rather harmless situation with the one from when he was 15. No matter how hard he tried to see the streets of New York City in front of him, they got replaced by the roads in Rose Hill. He tried closing his eyes, but still he saw those damn roads and that white Truck, coming closer and closer and-

He felt like he was suffocating. The seatbelt kept him from breathing, the car only got smaller and took all the oxygen he tried getting into his lungs before they collapsed.

“Kid are you okay? What’s wrong?” Happy’s voice was distant and when Harley turned to look at him, there was his mother instead, gripping the steering wheel of their small run down Toyota with both hands, looking terrified as she realised the situation they were about to be in. Harley didn’t notice that they didn’t crash. He didn’t notice that Happy was trying to talk to him, he only eventually noticed him again, when there was a hand worriedly gripping his left shoulder.

“Kid! What’s wrong?”, Happy repeated.

And only then, years later, did Harley Keener understand what it was like to have a panic attack. And good lord he now realised he hasn’t been helpful to poor Tony at all back in Rose Hill.

“I gotta get out”, was the only answer Happy got. Harley started fiddling with the seatbelt, even more panicking when his trembling hands couldn’t open it right away. He was lucky they were at a stop, when he bursted open the car door, scrambling to just _get out_ of that suffocatingly small space. He almost got run over by another car approaching the crossing on the track beside them.

“Harley wait!”, the man shouted after him. “You can’t just- I gotta- ah dammit!” The car door fell shut and the light turned green, immediately the cars cued behind Happy started sounding their horns at him to drive and Happy had to oblige. Harley didn’t even notice Happy driving off, trying to find a quick spot to park in and calling various numbers through FRIDAY, who was installed in the car, just to find someone who could help the kid, that’s obviously having a panic attack for whatever reason.

Almost in a haze Harley found his way through the masses of people. He didn’t know where he was, but it didn’t matter, all that was important was to find a quiet place, somewhere he could calm down and remind himself that he was safe, nothing was happening, he was fine and so were his mother and sister back in Rose Hill. Anxiously he pushed through the crowds, searching his pockets for his phone. Maybe it’d help to call Abbie and Mama? To hear their voices, know that they were fine? But he couldn’t find his phone, must’ve left it in the car with Happy, he maybe remembered dropping it when they stopped.

Finally Harley found an empty alley, where he could lean against the harsh brick wall behind a few dumpsters so that nobody saw him being barely able to hold himself together. His heart was still racing and he felt just utterly helpless and horrible. He couldn’t control anything, not his breathing, not his shaking hands and definitely not the pictures that still flashed in front of his eyes every few seconds. Pictures in which the white truck rammed his and Abbie’s side of the car, his mother losing control over the car and it crashing upside down next to the road. The sound of breaking class, screams and someone hitting the brakes filled his ears and he couldn’t stand upright anymore. His legs gave in and he collapsed against the wall, screwing his eyes shut, trying to concentrate on the feel of the steady wall at his back, the solid ground under him, the soft bird chirping somewhere, but the crash kept flooding his senses.

“Harley?”, someone asked. He was surprised that he could hear the person. First he thought Happy had found him, but that definitely wasn’t Happy’s voice nor his footsteps. Carefully Harley opened his eyes and was again surprised.

“Spider-Man?”, he breathlessly asked the figure crouching in front of him in a suit that Harley knew perfectly well; he himself had worked on it a couple of times with Tony or Peter. He also met the superhero two or three times, still he was baffled that the hero remembered his name.

“To your service. Are you alright?” Harley winced. Now on top of his still very present panic attack, he felt guilty for distracting Spider-Man from his duties and pained because he felt pathetic for wanting the help.

“I’ll be alright, you can get back to work, no need to worry”, he said, his heart still beating out of his chest and knuckles turning white from gripping the hem of his shirt as if it was holding him together. Spider-Man cocked his head to the side.

“I’m your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man. I help people. This _is_ my work”, he replied and Harley felt weirdly relieved, because he didn’t mean it when he said he’ll be alright and he also didn’t want him to leave, but at the same time he thought, what could Spider-Man possibly do to make the situation better?

A distant sound drew him out of his mind cave. Someone was sounding his horn, nothing spectacularly new in New York City, but Harley’s mind immediately jumped at the chance to compare it to the white truck again, sounding his horn loudly just seconds before he crashed into their side.

He wanted someone to hold him. Preferably Peter, but the boy was probably at home doing god knows what and didn’t have a clue what was happening to Harley right now. He’d also appreciate Pepper or Tony, they already were the rocks in his stormy sea, but he’d even let it be Happy if just someone held him, helped him get through this. No offense to Spider-Man, but he and Harley weren’t exactly close and a stranger’s grip might just make Harley remember even worse times from his life. His breathing picked up speed again, if that was going to continue he’d surely pass out soon.

“Hey, look at me, yes? What can I do to help you?”, Spider-Man asked, sounding worried and Harley would have thought it was cute, if he wasn’t so absolutely trembling with anxiety at this moment.

“I don’t- I don’t _know_ ”, Harley admitted, his voice almost too quiet, but he knew of the hero’s superhearing so surely he’d understand. “I never- I never had one like this and I don’t know how to help myself.”

“Is it okay if I touch you?”, Spider-Man asked and Harley was grateful that he gave him time to get out a panicked “no!” before he could make it worse.

“I’m sorry, but you’re still kinda a stranger and I think that’d make it worse right now and I’d like to be held but no one’s here and this isn’t your responsibility and I’m being extra difficult and-“, Harley rambled, tears welling in his eyes.

“Harley”, the hero interrupted softly. “Hey, it’s okay, I get that, I know how you feel, but you need to tell me how to help you.”

“I don’t think you can help! I just- I need Pepper or Tony or Happy or Peter, they always seem to know how to help me and I can’t handle myself and I know you have no way of helping me right now and I’m sorry for burdening you with this-“

“Please stop saying that, this is my job and I don’t do it for funsies, but because I want to help people. No one’s a burden.” Harley nodded silently, but his mind was already trailing off again, supplying him with more memories of that day and the endless days after in the hospital.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”, Spider-Man asked, but when Harley looked up the hero was no longer there. In his place was a girl, barely eleven years old on the brink of death. Harley screamed, pushing his back harder against the wall, as if it could swallow him and spare him the sight of his little sister being hurt. In reality, somewhere so far away from Harley right now, he thought he might heard someone curse under their breath. Breath. He almost forgot what breathing felt like. His chest felt tight, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Abbie. Poor, hurt, little Abbie. Then someone was touching his knee, he screamed again, and Abbie disappeared.

“Harley, hey, it’s me, Peter! You remember me, right? I’m here. Harley I’m here don’t worry”, a voice fought through the thick fog that was his mind and then he could look him in the eyes. Did his eyes betray him? Because there really was Peter, kneeling next to him, one hand on his knee, the other on his neck, thumb carefully brushing against his scalp and looking down at him worriedly.

“Peter?”, Harley asked, just to make sure he didn’t go insane and was imagining things now. Because, yes, there was Peter and he could see his face and feel his hands, but he was wearing a suit. _Spider-Man’s_ suit and the mask lay discarded on the ground next to him.

“Yes, Harley, it’s me, I’m here, you’re okay, I got you”, Peter assured him and Harley’s heart impossibly picked up speed, because _no way_ was Peter Spider-Man. He couldn’t be. Harley surely would have known, right? Would have found out somehow?

“Sorry you had to find out like this. I wanted to tell you about Spider-Man but there wasn’t the right time. I know now isn’t the right time, either but I think you need a friend more than you need Spider-Man.”

Harley forgot how to talk. Not that he knew what to say anyways. So he just reached out to take Peter’s hand on his knee in his own trembling one, squeezing it in affirmation. Peter smiled fondly.

“Still want me to hold you?”, he asked and Harley squeezed his hand again, already leaning on his shoulder. The strong arms that now surrounded him gave him a sense of safety and _finally_ he was able to control his breathing bit by bit, slowly steadying it, trying to match it with Peter’s. It took a rather long time until he got it quite right and his heart didn’t beat out of his chest anymore. Thinking about Peter’s alter ego distracted him long enough to calm down, but now he was back thinking about the incident. No one in New York knew about it. He felt much more lonely again, but the steady rhythm of Peter’s heart and his hand carding through his hair in a calming gesture reminded him that he wasn’t alone. So he did something brave.

“I’ve been in a car crash, a few years back”, Harley spoke through the silence of the alley. He felt Peter’s breath hitch and his hand stop for just a second, before continuing as previously.

“What happened?”, he asked.

“My mom and I picked up Abbie from her ballet practice. It was her third lesson and she started liking it a lot. The whole way home she talked about the things they practiced, what they were about to learn and other nice girls in her group. I was fifteen and she was eleven. We were just five minutes away from home, when it happened. Mama was always a careful driver, it wasn’t her fault, she couldn’t have seen it coming. The guy in the white truck was drunk and speeding. Abbie was sitting behind me in our small, red, ratty Toyota. I promised Mama to repair it soon. The guy hit the passenger side with full speed, he’d sounded his horn twice, before he hit us but it had already been too late. I can’t remember much from there, just screaming, shattering glass and chaos. I think the car doubled over a few times, landing far off the road. It ended upside down. Everything hurt, I remember that. And I remember looking back to where Abbie was sitting, to check if she was okay, and she looked like she was dying.” Harley paused to suck in a trembling breath.

“I don’t have any memories after that, only after we arrived in the hospital. I was lucky, so to say. Broke a few bones, some rips. Had a lot of cuts and bruises and a concussion but I healed. Painfully slow, but I did. Now it’s just scars and memories. Mama was even luckier. Broke her arm, cut open her leg a little and bruised, but else she was fine. Healed in just a few weeks. Abbie... she wasn’t so lucky. It became clear quickly that the numbness in her legs and feet wasn’t temporary. But at least she was alive. It had been critical in the first few days. We weren’t sure if she’d make it at all, but thankfully she did and I really don’t know what we would have done if she didn’t. A wheelchair is better than a gravestone, I decided. I never left her side at the hospital. We stayed in a room together, Mama in a separate one. We stayed for a month, I think, or more, then they let us go, under the condition we all attended physical therapy. Paying for it was hard, but worth it. Soon I was good enough to start working at the mechanics shop in Rose Hill and earn us some extra money for a good wheelchair for Abbie. I felt bad for her in particular because she just started dancing and now she couldn’t anymore. Nevertheless, we all pushed through it and now we’re here. And we’re fine.” Harley took another deep breath as he noticed that he hadn’t for quite a while. Peter patiently waited to hear more, if there was, not having stopped his hand moving through his hair the whole time. It felt really domestic and maybe Harley’s heart picked up a little speed again.

“Happy was driving me home”, he then explained. “All was well, until some asshole ran over a red light, cutting us off. We could’ve crashed if Happy hadn’t acted so fast and hit the brakes. I think it triggered my memories from four years ago. Panic attacks really aren’t that fun.”

“They sure aren’t”, Peter agreed.

Silence stretched between them for a few moments, in which Harley just enjoyed being held. He felt exhausted.

“What happened to the drunk driver?”, Peter asked after a while. Harley thought for a second.

“I think he died. Maybe on impact or in the hospital, but I can’t really remember, to be honest”, he admitted. “Don’t want to either. Never want to think about him again.”

“That’s understandable.”

Slowly Harley heaved himself to an upright position again. Peter took his hand off his head, but still held Harley’s in his other and Harley was so grateful.

“Thank you”, he said, putting all the sentiment he could into those little words, because they meant everything.

“There’s nothing to thank me for, Harley.”

“Yes, there is. Thank you for helping me through this, for holding me, for being my friend and for revealing your identity to me, just so I’d get comfort. Thank you, it means the world to me, especially from you.”

Peter smiled in response, squeezing Harley’s hand. They paused, both oddly aware of the little space left between their faces and the non-existent space between their bodies. Peter glanced down at his lips.

“Is this okay?”, Peter whispered; Harley could feel his breath on his lips already. The slightest nod was enough of an answer for him to move forward and capture Harley’s lips in a careful but tender kiss. They moved slowly, one hand still intertwined. Harley’s other came to rest on Peter’s cheek, while Peter’s found its place on Harley’s waist. When they pulled apart, both smiled, and Harley’s heart was beating out of his chest for an entirely different and most importantly better reason now.

“This is probably the worst circumstance to ask you this, but I guess a lot is being revealed today”, Peter said, a quiet laugh escaping his throat. “So, do you want to go on a date with me? Be my boyfriend, perhaps?”

Harley snickered, a beaming smile on his face.

“‘Course idiot”, he said and pulled Peter into another kiss, more fierce and rough than their first, but Peter certainly didn’t mind.

“Harley?”, another voice suddenly called through the alley. Immediately the boys scrambled to their feet, Harley still a little wobbly on his, but Peter held him upright, and into view came Happy.

“Oh my god, there you are! Kid, are you alright?”, he shouted as he ran over, not hesitating to pull the kid into a bone crushing hug. Harley just sighed happily and relaxed into the hug.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry for running off like that, I didn’t intend to scare you”, he mumbled against his chest.

“‘S alright, just tell me where you’re running next time so a man doesn’t have to figure it out all by himself.”

“I’ll try.” They laughed a little and Happy pulled away, eventually noticing Peter, who awkwardly watched them.

“Oh, Pete you found him! And, Uh, told him I see? That’s nice”, he said a little baffled, eyes darting between the discarded Spider-Man mask and Peter’s face. Just then Harley remembered what a coincidence it was that Peter found him in the alley.

“Did you call him?”, Harley asked Happy with a frown.

“Uh, yeah, figured he might be patrolling right now and would also be able to find you easier. I would’ve tracked your phone, but you just had to make my life difficult and leave it in the car. I also called Tony and-“

_Shit_ , Harley thought. He couldn’t really handle Tony showing up in the iron armour all worried right now.

“I already told Tony that I found you. He’s waiting for us at the tower”, Peter interjected quickly when he saw Harley’s panicked face at the mention of Tony.

“Oh, well then”, Happy smiled relieved. “Wanna drive home, Harley?”

Harley hesitated. He could already feel his lungs contracting at just the thought of entering the car again.

“I- I think I’d rather walk back, to be honest. Nothing against your driving but I don’t feel like entering another car today.”

Happy nodded understandingly.

“Then how about I give you a lift?”, Peter offered with an excited smile. “Swinging is faster _and_ more fun!”

Harley felt his chest warm at Peter’s excitement, but again he didn’t feel like he could appreciate it properly right now, still unsteady on his own two feet.

“Darlin’ every other day I would’ve jumped at the opportunity, but right now I really just feel like walking, it’s just thirty minutes from here”, he explained. Peter, too, accepted his answer understandingly.

“Walk with me, though? I still need to make a phone call and I’d rather have someone with me.” He pretended not to see Happy’s staring, when he took Peter’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

“‘Course, Harles”, Peter replied softly, giving his hand another squeeze. “I’ll just change into my civilian clothes and be back in five, just wait here.” He gave him a quick peck on the lips, then picked up his mask and swung off to wherever he hid his bag with his clothes this time. Harley couldn’t help but smile like a love struck idiot.

“So you and Peter?”, Happy grinned at him.

“Yep.”

“I’m happy for you both. You’re good for each other.”

“Thanks, Haps.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But you’re calling me kid although I’m nineteen.”

“That’s different.”

“Ugh”, Harley rolled his eyes in faux annoyance. Then remembered his plan. “Hey, do you have my phone for me?”

Happy looked like he suddenly had a scintillation and reached into his pocket.

“Of course, sorry, sorry”, he pulled his phone out and handed it to Harley. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, Happy. Also for the worrying and looking for me part. I appreciate it.”

Happy smiled, patting Harley on the back fondly. “You’re family, kid. We look out for each other, it’s my job.” Then he retreated, probably finding the way back to his car to drive to the tower and tell Tony that Harley was alright and Peter was walking him home. He was caring like that.

Just a minute after Happy was out of sight, Peter was back, taking his hand again and they started walking back to the tower, though they certainly weren’t in a rush.

After five minutes Harley took out his phone and dialled, while Peter squeezed his hand encouragingly. It rang three times, then she picked up.

“Yo, dipshit! Didn’t expect your call today, how you doing?”, the girl practically shouted through the phone. Harley let out a breath of relief and Peter gave him a happy thumbs up.

“How are your legs, Abs?”, he grinned.

“Still sad and numb, but comfortable and sexy-looking in the new wheelchair you sent. You can’t believe how fed up with that shrieking old thing I was.”

“Oh I can believe. The wheelchair wasn’t just for you to be happy, but for my and Ma’s ears to never hear the horrible squeaking sounds the old one made again.” Abbie laughed at the other end of the line.

“Selfish, selfish, brother! And I thought you just loved me.”

“Still do, Abs.”

“Yeah, I know. So got anything interesting to tell me or are you just bored and missing your lovely sister, light of your life?”

“Actually, yeah”, Harley breathed in deeply, while his sister was probably vibrating with anticipation. “You remember Peter?”

“Crush-Peter you haven’t stopped ‘casually’ mentioning since you got to New York? Of course, how could I not.”

“Yeah, uh, he’s boyfriend-Peter now.” There was a squeak so loud that Harley had to hold the phone away from his ears. Peter laughed.

“Finally, Harley! Can’t believe you got your shit together, I’m so proud of you!”

“It was me!”, Peter shouted from beside him and Harley shot him a betrayed look.

“Oh!”, came it back from the phone. “Hi Peter! Thanks for finally making a move and freeing me from having to listen to endless pining!”

“Oh, you say that as if I’m stopping now that he’s mine. You’ll probably hear even _more_ from him”, Harley retorted and Abbie groaned audibly.

“Well, for your happinesses sake I’ll endure it. Oh, Ma just called that me, dinner’s ready. I gotta run- I mean wheel.” The boys snorted.

“That was bad. Tell her I said hi.”

“Will do, should I tell her about Peter?”

“Nah, I think I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Alrighty then, talk to you later?”

“Sure, love you.”

“Love you, too.”

And thus she hung up and Harley stored the phone in his jacket.

“You alright?”, Peter asked softly.

“Better”, Harley agreed. “Always better, when you’re at my side.”

“Sap.” Peter rolled his eyes but kissed him anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought about it!
> 
> Comments, Kudos & Bookmarks always appreciated!
> 
> Stay safe & healthy y’all!
> 
> \- Saturning


End file.
